My name is Duncan Quagmire, but, as a volunteer, you may call me D. My parents died when our house caught afire, and my triplet, Quigley, was rumored to be dead until we recently discovered he was alive. I am now living in a self sustaining hot air mobile home with my triplet, Isadora, and Hector, from the Village of Fowl Devotees (not the true V.F.D.), and am trying to frind a way to get back to earth.
Interests:Taking notes in my dark green notebook, trying to get back to earth, dreaming of becoming a journalist for Quagmire-Baudelaire Incorporated. Expertise:Journalism
Isadora has come up with a few new poems. They are comical; as the time passes faster when you laugh. Hector hasn't said much lately. I think we are in trouble, because he has gone frantic. Every time you come up behind him he screams and throws the closest object at you. We are very concerned.
Joe: Olaf has said he hears noises, too. You know he is not always right, though.
Bob: Yes, I know. It is a shame that he is crazy.
Joe: “My neighbor is a murderer!” That’s what he told me yesterday.
Bob: Really? He should leave, or else he will be murdered.
Joe: Bob, you know, now, that he is not correct.
Bob: Are you really sure? He can be right sometimes.
Joe: I am very sure he is not right. I know that his intelligence is not above ours. I assure you that you are very wrong. You are wrong a lot, too. Your ears must be ringing because I do not here anything.
P.S. Dear Reader,
Please carefully read my play entitled "Bob and Joe Sebald's Conversation". It may contain important information.Remember what is hidden inside, it will become useful.
TO: VIOLET, KLAUS AND SUNNY BAUDELAIRE FROM: DUNCAN AND ISADORA QUAGMIRE
WE ARE NOT SURE, BUT WE HAVE HEARD THAT YOU ARE ON BOARD THE QUEEQUEG STOP. OUR TELEGRAM MACHINE IS RUNNING OUT OF INK, AND HECTOR FORGOT TO PUT MORE ON THE SELF SUSTAINING HOT AIR MOBILE HOME STOP. BUT WE HOPE IT WILL NOT RUN OUT BEFORE WE GET TO THE END OF THIS MESSAGE STOP. THERE IS SOMETHING YOU MUST KNOW STOP. WHEN THE SELF SUSTAINING HOT AIR MOBILE HOME TOOK OFF WITHOUT YOU, OUR NOTEBOOKS WERE SHOT STOP. SO WE MUST TELL YOU ABOUT V.
If you are reading this, then you have found this letter that dropped out of the sky. If it hit you on the head, we are terrible sorry. Please tell the authorities the following information:
Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, two of the Quagmire triplets, are stuck in the sky, floating around in a self sustaining hot air mobile home. Please keep an eye open at all times in case they come floating by.
Thank you, reader, your willing to help is greatly appreciated by us.
TO: MR. POE AT MULCTUARY MONEY MANAGEMENT FROM: DUNCAN AND ISADORA QUAGMIRE
WE DO NOT KNOW IF YOU WILL RECEIVE THIS TELEGRAM STOP. WE HAVE HEARD THAT YOU ARE NOT RECEIVING TELEGRAMS AT THIS TIME STOP.
LOOKING DOWN ON THE EARTH, IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE ABOVE A MOUNTAIN CHAIN, POSSIBLY THE MORTMAN MOUNTAINS STOP. PLEASE INFORM THE AUTHORITIES THAT WE NEED TO GET DOWN FROM HERE STOP. WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF FOOD AND IT IS VERY COLD AND LONELY STOP.
ALSO, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BAUDELAIRES ARE? STOP. WE HAVE NOT HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THEM SINCE THEY FELL OFF THE ROPE LADDER OF THE SELF SUSTAINING HOT AIR MOBILE HOME STOP.
